Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
