my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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