WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
