you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
