Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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