so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
