Got a toothbrush?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
