my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
