I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
