Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
