How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
