She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
