Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
