Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
