Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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