My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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