the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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