omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize