the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize