Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
