so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
