i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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