Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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