They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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