I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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