Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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