i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
