I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Dignity is for republicans.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Watching her eat just hurts me
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
