think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
