So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
