I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
