I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
