So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
