Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I need to sanitize my soul.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
