im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
