I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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