Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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