Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
