I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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