a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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