I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize