Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize