$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
After tacos, we're chasing women.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
