its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Im part way to drunk.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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