I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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