Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
