White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize