Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
