i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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