I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
that's an acceptable place to lick
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
