Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
