Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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