Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
