Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
