the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
