my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
