Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize