Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
