I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
