there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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