Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize