I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
we made out on top of his cat.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
