I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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