paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
