I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
