I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
