I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
