I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
