You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
