NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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