I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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