Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
bring money and cleavage
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Dick very happy bro
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
