I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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