maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
