we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
