Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
