Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
