Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
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