everyone is single if you try hard enough
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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