In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
FUCK WHALES
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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