i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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