well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
