I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
