i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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