somebody snuck up and got me drunk
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
