Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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