Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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