He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
