The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
