the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
