I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize