Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
