I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
