Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
