I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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