i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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