ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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